


Repeat

by beatboxbmo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Birthdays, Emotional Abuse, M/M, Oisuga Week, alcohol ment, oisuga, sex ment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 10:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4260252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatboxbmo/pseuds/beatboxbmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tooru wakes up to an empty apartment and a note from Koushi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repeat

The first thing Tooru notices when he wakes up is the empty space next to him. 

He stretches out an arm to pat the other side of the bed, hoping it's still warm. It's not. 

He sighs and sits up, knowing it's pointless to hope Koushi is still in the apartment. He drags himself out of bed and towards the bathroom, feeling last nights' filth on his body. His legs are sore, his back aches, and his mouth feels like cotton, but it's nothing compared to the pounding in his head. He keeps his eyes mostly closed as he flips on the lights and turns on the shower, hoping today won't be complete shit. 

After his shower, he thinks about crawling back into bed. But in a few hours he has to work, and he also has to call a friend to let them know he's still alive. Tooru isn't looking forward to that conversation. 

In the kitchen, he immediately starts brewing a cup of coffee, hoping the caffeine will help settle his stomach. He knows it won't though. 

On the kitchen table is a sheet of paper with a single word on it, written in a loopy scrawl he knows too well. His eyes skim over it before scoffing. 

_Sorry._

When his coffee is done, he leans against the counter sipping it, his eyes trained on the sheet of paper. He's barely a foot away from the table but it seems like the word takes up the entire sheet, even though it's barely an inch in size. 

_Sorry._

He was always sorry about something. It was always the first word out of his mouth when Tooru called him the next day. 

_Sorry._

It was probably his favorite word. Even in high school, he'd apologize to Tooru. Usually after the yells and wild gestures that had Tooru shrinking. 

_Sorry._

Tooru can feel his eyes burn. 

He swallows the lump in his throat as he realizes it's over. Again. Once again, Koushi disappears, leaving only a note and a broken man behind. 

Before the coffee mug can slip from his grasp, Tooru sets it on the counter behind him, his hands bunching into fists until his knuckles turn white. 

Once again it's over and there's nothing Tooru can do about it. He knows he should be grateful Koushi left, happy even. He doesn't have to deal with the sinking feeling in his stomach every time the other touches him, or the way they could only have sex if Tooru was drunk. Once again, he's free. But he still feels trapped. 

Somehow he manages to get his breathing under control and unclench his hands. He lowers his shoulders and turns to lean his back against the counter. His eyes focus again on the sheet of paper. 

Out of nowhere he remembers the night when Koushi reappeared. It was Tooru's birthday. He and a few others had been out partying and drinking, and when he had first seen Koushi he thought he was looking at a ghost. He was just as good looking, just as calm and kind as he used to be. His smile still lit up the room, and when he looked at Tooru, Tooru felt like the only one in the world. Suddenly he felt important again, needed. Koushi had immediately reached out to lay a hand on Tooru's arm and it took everything in him not to jerk away. There was nothing wrong. This was Koushi. Koushi was back and things would be alright again. 

He bought Koushi a few drinks and eventually the two snuck away from the party and back to Tooru's apartment, where they had sex for the first time in five years. It felt natural and easy, and when it was over, Tooru felt peaceful. 

Until he woke up and Koushi was gone. 

It was the start of their back and forth exchange, of Tooru seeking out Koushi and Koushi appearing for a brief moment before leaving again. He was always leaving. 

When Iwaizumi found out Koushi was back, he was livid. He scolded Tooru, and at the time, Tooru had just shrugged off the words he'd said. But now the speech comes back to him, the words loud in his head as if Iwaizumi is standing there in the kitchen with him. 

_"You're an idiot if you think this will go anywhere. He'll build you up just to leave right before you crash and burn. And I bet you he'll do it again. He'll find you just as you're getting steady, he'll suck you in, then he'll ruin you. The only way to stop him is to drop his ass now and never let him in again."_

It seemed stupid at the time. It seemed stupid for an entire year, until now. He hates that Iwaizumi was right, but he doesn't blame his friend. 

He doesn't want this happening again. He sucks in a breath before stepping away from the counter, reaches out and crumbles the paper before throwing it away. He heads to his bedroom to grab his phone. Without a second thought he pulls up Koushi's number and deletes it. 

As he types in Iwaizumi's number he mutters, "Happy birthday to me," before he puts on a pair of shoes and leaves his apartment, needing distractions. 

He's tired of shrinking away. He doesn't think he'll ever be fine, not after the hell Koushi put him through, but he's not going to crash and burn again. He won't let another person ruin him. He also doesn't want Iwaizumi's voice in his head, berating him like a child. For once, he wants to be steady and whole _on his own._

He won't let the past repeat itself anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2E0Qz3WIqc) kind of goes with this? I noticed it awhile after I finished this piece. also uhh I guess i'm sorry? :') I wanted to stay away from angst this week but that failed.


End file.
